Weekly Goals- April 3-7

Putting together a list of goals for the week here to keep me accountable. The list of things I had no chance of doing while working is long. I´d like to take advantage of this rest and relaxation time to get things done. Ultimately, having things done around the house WILL relax me! 🙂

And, I have gone off FB for the week to help my productivity.

• First on the agenda is taking care of whatever hip problem I have. So, going to the doctor today or tomorrow- and will likely be referred to an osteopath. I´ve had pain in my left hip on and off for a few months now. It started in December- I know that for sure, because I was on the fence about cancelling my trip to California. I wasn´t sure I could carry laptop, carry-on, purse, luggage for such a long trip. Ultimately, it went away. It´s come back a few times for a few days…..and it is back again. I had to cancel a tour of BA´s underground tunnels on Saturday because I felt I couldn´t walk for four hours…….at my age!

It´s an odd pain. Hurts on stairs, sometimes just walking– and BADLY if I cough, sneeze or laugh too hard. Putting my left leg out to the side is extremely painful.

DAMN YOU INTERNET- because I´ve googled and it could be anything from arthritis to gout. Gout???

I thought (think) that it might be related to carrying so much stuff (laptop, loads of paperwork) around with me all the time. I tend to carry it on my right shoulder- but I haven´t carried my laptop in a few days, and it is not any better.

Regardless, I find out at 10:45 either a) what´s going on or b) what doctor can tell me what´s going on. It´s really annoying.

It´s also nice to have the time to think about my hip pain, and doing something about it, rahter than struggling through the day.

On the health/personal front:

• Workout! I can´t run, clearly, but perhaps I can lift weights with my arms, and will give the exercise bike a try today. Abs are also out- tried that last week. Ouch. Maybe stretching?? But if I can walk, and if the bike doesn´t hurt, cardio and arms will have to suffice.
• Inspired by Bevchen, going to try the 10 a day challenge. 10 fruits and vegetables a day.
• Mani/pedi. It´s now sandal weather, and the tootsies (while not awful) are not really ready.
• Full on (at home) facial. I am rather good about doing a weekly face mask, but I think a full on steaming, etc. is in order.
• I vow to take my vitamins!! to include the ph balance thingies the doctor suggested I try.
• I will do a one day soup fast. I will. I will.
• Dentist appointment Wednesday for my cleaning………UGH
• Oh yeah, and no beer. It would be nice to take off five pounds (or two kilo) this week.

On the career front:

• Update my resume on Monster, Stepstone, etc.
• Apply for two jobs I have identified.
• Send my resume to at least one recruiter per day.

On the home front:

• Clean out the fridge.
• Organize my spring clothes.
• Clean the floors and windows.
• Wash all bedlinens- including mattress covers.
• Clean off my desk!!!
• Clean out the bread drawer
• Check all dates on foodstuffs
• Tend to the garden. I need to clean all the grass/weeds from in between the bricks on the patio (a personal pet peeve of mine is that grass! UGH!) and, I want to start growing stuff. I´ve planted spinach, and Bärlauch, but need to buy seedlings Wednesday morning.

On the social front:

• Attend a local expat meeting on Thursday. Every single other meeting for the past six months I have had to cancel, due to work. 😦 This may also be on the career front, networking I guess.
• Debating a “personal growth” meeting tonight. It´s a new group in town. It may be too hippie for me, but the only way to find out is to go.
• FINALLY meeting up with my brother and sister in law next weekend.
• Going for a walk with a friend I haven´t seen in almost a year. (Hip depending- GOD it sucks to have pain walking!)

I think I can….I think I can!

Diagnosis Code Z73 G

After a hellish week at work, I am written out sick. Diagnosis is Z73 G- or burnout/stress.

I´ve been working (and working, and working) from 5am- 8/9 for months….and I am still losing my job. This week especially was stressful. REALLY stressful.

I knew it would be, and put together a list of items that needed to get done this week and requested a meeting to prioritize with my boss. Monday at 12 it was.

By that time, since I worked a good ten hours on the weekend, several items were taken off the list. Do I get a thank you? No. I got yelled at. Told that my problem is that I can´t prioritize (which was actually the reason for the meeting, I requested help PRIORITIZING). I stated that I had been working crazy hours and was exhausted. I went through my sent emails- evidence I work those hours. The day I showed him (chosen at random) I had sent emails from 4:35am-8:56 pm. Pretty well alllllll day, too. That day I had 83 emails sent. We counted. He questioned WHY I work those hours.

My answer was simple. The employees I am responsible for are nine hours away. So I work in the morning to communicate with those still working from home at night, and that is my best chance to communicate with my dotted line boss in the States. I need to (his rule) be in the office from 10am-3pm, and really, at 3pm the East Coast starts sending me emails (benefits) and by 5/6- my “real” day starts.

Clearly a solution would be that I NOT go into the office an additional day (or two). Working from home Wednesdays saves my sanity. The extra three hours in my day due to not commuting are a DREAM. While it still sucks for my social life (I work at night)- I have time to go to the grocery store of my choosing- rather than one on my way home. I can cook. I can lift weights while on conference calls, or do my nails………………but no. Not even suggested.

I am learning A LOT in this job. And I love that! I actually really, really love my tasks/job function. I think it´s fun and interesting. The hours, however, are fucking killing me.

I got yelled at for everything on Monday. After putting in sooo many hours. Literally, everything. A prime example was spreadsheets. He asked me to open (my laptop projecting on the screen) the spreadsheet for annual salary increases. I did. I opened the main one. He yelled at me that I should never open that one, as I could type something by accident, and alter the data (never mind that excel would prompt me with “Do you want to save your changes?” in that instance). So he wanted me to open the supervisor specific spreadsheets. So, manager “Joe” has a spreadsheet with only the salary information of his employees. And Joe would have his own password for the spreadsheet.

I created those spreadsheets (and passwords) approximately a month ago. When I told my boss I needed a minute to look up the passwords- he lost it. Literally sent me away, telling me he doesn´t have time for this, that he has better things to do- and DIDN´T YOU CREATE THE PASSWORDS????? WHY DON´T YOU KNOW THEM????

Ummm, I had no reason to access those spreadsheets for weeks!! And, the spreadsheets were not on our agenda for our meeting (AT ALL!) and I had no reason to look them up prior.

At one point later in the meeting (after coming back- so part II of the meeting from hell)…..he stood up- stared at the floor, and just said “I´m so upset with you”.

The list of shit he is/was upset about is insane. I am just beyond words. It´s Performance Appraisal season. The managers have never used the new Company form. So, my dotted line boss asked me to put together a training session. I agreed. We would run two WebEx sessions. My boss? Said “Why would the US managers need training? It is a simple form. Our Managers here and around the world don´t get training”. So, I explained: It´s  a new form to them, they need to identify hard and soft skills that are of value to the entire department, have not done that before…..and in the US, that is typical. An annual refresher on Performance Appraisals- reminders of common errrors (such as focusing on recent performance, rather than the entire year, for example), and that I thought it reasonable, and understood why it was being requested.

I got screamed at and told I “would NOT impose the culture of the United States on the Company”.

So, despite the fact that the VP in the US has identified a (legit in my mind) training need, and I am willing and able to assist (create and deliver the training)- I am forbidden. And made to feel an idiot for even thinking that was possible or a good idea. Further, the implication that I was somehow attempting to poison the Company with US culture- is just ludicrous.

I just broke down crying Monday night. Just broke down.

I KNOW I do a good job, and get an incredible amount of work done. I do. I am interested, and engaged in my work. I get personal satisfaction from it.

But even if he thinks I am incompetent (and he does, I think, with no idea how things in the US work as far as benefits, payroll, etc.). Knowing the hours I put in- a good manager would go “Poor beerandbratwurst, she tries sooooo hard”. Not scold me like a child.

I. just. broke. down. The stress is too much. I can take the hours, with appreciation. I can take the lack of appreciation without the long hours. I can handle a boss who treats me like an incompetent fool without the hours. I can´t take the hours (over 60 in the last week) and be belittled and made to feel  incompetent at the same time. I´ve done it for six months. I just cracked.

I sat on the train on Monday, and it was a little late, I was seriously thinking of just fleeing- dreading that meeting. I knew how it would go……….poorly. I didn´t dream it would go as poorly as it did. But I was terrified. I kept reminding myself that the meeting wouldn´t physically hurt….just to get through the day………..to convince myself to go to work.

So, I went to the doctor. I showed him my Zeiterfassung. He wrote me out until April 10. Told  me to completely disconnect. This is THE worst time for it. THE worst week for it. I am honestly super stressed that my co-workers don´t deserve this, and some things won´t be done well without me (NOT that I am some kind of HR God and nothing can be done without me- rather, these are in-process projects). That stresses me.

But I need a break. I worked on vacation, I work alll the time. The list of un-done things in the house is stressful, as I have no time. I have an IKEA schrank downstairs waiting to be put together…………it´s been there for months. I need to organize and get out my Spring clothes. I don´t have the time without being written out sick to do so….and that is stressful. It´s all stressful. I want to work out! I want to run! I want a normal job where I work normal hours, and occasionally, during times of workload stress, a lot of extra hours. NOT every day, all day, even weekends.

I slept twelve hours last night. TWELVE! I feel like a rockstar. I am ready to start my day with a workout, clean the house, wash all the blankets and bed linens, organize myself. I need to do some sort of handover of work, that I dread- but then I am FREE for over ten days! FREE!!!

I still carry the stress of abandoning ship during this super busy time, adn with a co-worker going out on maternity leave friday, and another on vacation- yet another just started march 8……………but I need to think of myself. I should have thought of myself this whole time. I didn´t. I dedicated my every waking hour to this job.

I NEEED this job, desperately. But I need a break.

My time off was my husband´s thought. He has seen me working these hours- when he wakes up to go to the bathroom at 5am, there I am at the laptop. When he goes to bed at 9pm, there I am on a conference call. He was there Monday when I broke the fuck down crying- out of frustration and out of exhaustion………..as well, the fact that I was belittled, despite my efforts.

Ideally, I will be refreshed and can start again April 10. We have the four day weekend for Easter, May has a few holidays, and then, if i save my vacation, i can leave the first week in June. Ideally I will have another job in line. 🙂

Life Lately March 11, 2017

Got back from Hamburg Thursday night. We saw sooo much.

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The first night, we just explored the hotel (Mövenpick, LOVED it), had a beer in their bar, then walked about the neighborhood. Dinner at Altes Madchen. Super good. A hamburger in Hamburg for me. 🙂 We also discovered our “neighborhood bar”, Omas Apotheke. 🙂

We saw the Chile Haus, Deichstrasse, did the Rathaus tour, took a ferry ride, saw the harbor, went up the tower to St. Michel, Jungfernstieg, St. Pauli-Landdomsbrucken, Alter Elbtunnel, beer at Omas Apotheke and then dinner at Erikas Eck. On day one. My pedometer said we walked over 10 miles (then I turned the GPS off to save battery)

Day two? I worked in the morning (naturally) then off to the City Museum for a few hours, walked a bit through the park, went to the St Pauli fan bar for a beer, then the Markthalle (alterinderhalle), then back to Reeperbahn – a beer in a dive bar….then Darius Rucker!!! Dinenr was late night- and gross. Nothing like bloody chicken to ruin your appetite. Then a beer at the hotel.

Day three? Worked in the morning (again, how the FUCK someone who works as much as I do can be fired for performance issues is beyond me. There is clearly a problem with the insane amount of work to be done), then walked around Sternschanze, back to Omas Apotheke, then Karoviertel and back to Skt. Pauli, and back to the fan bar for (another) beer. Then, back to Schanze with the U Bahn and the best baked potato EVER at Kumpir.

Highlights? The Rathaus tour. Loved it. AMAZING.

And? I met Darius Rucker. 🙂

Despite a massive crush on him for over twenty years, I held it together. 🙂 And, I didn´t call him Hootie.

I don´t even care that it´s a bad picture of me and my face looks like a balloon and my nose is bright red from the cold. Okay, I do. But it´s my only picture with Hootie  my future husband  😉 Darius Rucker.

Now it´s back to reality. Work, work, work………and a little fun. Dinner out tonight, and a soccer game on Sunday.

But- Monday will SUCK. I need to run payroll SUPER late. SUPER late. So I will be working from the wee hours of the morning to probably 10 or even 11.

Ugh. My stomach hurts just thinking of it.

 

Life Lately – March 4, 2017

• Well, still have a job….but got my official “you´re fired” notice with the June 30 date. However, they can still fire me with two weeks notice. Great. fantastic for planning, really. I´ve posted for  my replacement in the CA office….and found out the budget. Ummmm yeah, we are NEVER going to find someone for that amount of money….or, it will be a part time position. And, for the moment- it is NOT a part time position. Quite honestly, I am severely underpaid. This position is severely underpaid. The rest of my HR team scoffed at that and got, honestly a bit nasty when i said that. Not worth arguing about, they will see, obviously, when we end up hiring someone at 40-50 thousand dollars more than what I am making, that is is true. I am 100% positive we are never going to find someone to fill this position with the budget we have….not unless we trim down the requirements, which we literally can´t do. This position is stand alone- there is noone else in the company with knowledge of HR in the US. They NEED to have general knowledge of benefits, federal and state employment laws, payroll, experience writing and communicating policies…etc. etc…..Rant over.
• Heading to Hamburg for my first vacation in over a year!!!! I´ve done a shitload of travel this year (in NJ for months, then back and forth to California three times) but none of it vacation……..except I guess last year when i came back here for a week in July- but that was just here. So I am super excited! I will, of course, be bringing my laptop for work, but whatever.
• I also couldn´t take the week off, due to payroll processing. I am basically okay with that, but still. Kinda sucks to come back on Thursday knowing I have to get my ass up at 4:30am Friday, and start running payroll around 6pm. Bleh. Why not go another (non-payroll) week? DARIUS RUCKER!!!!!
• I loooove Darius Rucker. I do, in fact, have a little crush. 🙂 I´ve seen Hootie and the Blowfish during their college days (my friend dated a guy in Columbia, SC and we roadtripped to go see him rather often), then was SHOCKED that they were on the radio, and then their fame….and then Darius went country, and I love it. :)Listening now on Spotify. 🙂
• Again, on the topic of work, sorry- but there is nothing else new- I found out my official reason for termination…….unsatisfactory performance. I have never, ever, been fired or let go for unsatisfactory performance. Okay, once. But the woman was a nut. A real nut. Like, one of the instances that led up to my termination was that I “ignored” her note to me to wire some money to an employee. She said it was on my desk….and it was. She had LITERALLY written it on the paper thingy from a fucking tea bag……which I thought was garbage and threw out (like, well, anyone else would do). The actual firing incident was that I wired money to the wrong employee. She had asked me to wire to say, john smith, and there was one john smith in the online banking system….but i should have sent it to another john smith. Note that wiring money wasn´t actually one of my  responsibilities. I was filling in because she had fired the person who did it.  I had been looking for another job anyway- because she really was a nutjob, AND i knew they were doing something illegal. I didn´t know what- but I knew something was going on. I had asked valid questions about oddities in payroll and got “oh, nothing to worry about”- without so much as a cursory investigation. And, about a year later- the front page of the paper was a picture of our  finance team being led up the stairs to a court building in handcuffs. So, I was really glad that I was out of there. REALLY glad. And the reason I got fired, in hindsight, could very well have been my questions.
• But anyway………really? That hurt to read. I work my fucking ass off for this Company. Whatever.
• My New Year´s Resolutions are going quite shittily. 30 minutes of exercise per day? ha! I will resume when I get back from Hamburg, however- and the hotel has a great looking gym!!! 🙂
• So- almost packed, laundry partly done, mani/pedi done. T-24 to Hamburg and HOOOOTIE!  Yeah, I know, that´s not his name. But I can say with some certainty I will be screaming it.

Unemployed again- or life lately 18.2.2017

As the title implies, I have lost my job. Technically not yet- rather, in June…but still. I have six months Probezeit, and here, month five- I am told I will NOT get an unlimited contract.

For the past five months I have gotten up at 4:30am to work while I drink coffee (responding to emails with California people who are still online, etc.) for about an hour. Then I went to the office, and, when space permitted- worked using my phone as a hotspot, or just reading/responding to emails on my phone intermittently. Then, I went to work from 10-3(ish), then traveled home (same thing) and after 5- had conference calls, etc.

I have taken three trips to California. One with one week notice, another extended by a week with no notice. I have missed out on three holidays. I have worked every weekend. I worked every single day (except 3) from end november until now.

In five months I have:

• successfully implemented a new payroll system…with VERY few errors.
• transitioned ees successfully to new benefits plans
• written numerous policies and how tos
• implemented a disability carrier
• successfully “hired” 60 ees
• recruited for four positions
• worked for HOURS on visa paperwork for six employees
• hired a background vendor
• workers comp procedures completed with new carrier
• implemented (almost fully) a new HR information system
• wrote new travel/expense policy and implemented expense system online
• carried out open enrollment for benefits

My to-do list for the weekend is:

• add “g” for grandfathered on payroll system for 50 ees (about an hour at about a minute each)
• watch one hour webinar on expense system (one hour)
• go through resumes in response to job advertisements (one hour)
• add several forms/polices to payroll system home page so ees have the info when they need it (two hours??)
• write my job description for posting internally/externally (one hour?)
• add job titles to 50 ees in payroll system (which requires creating  a fucking 8 digit code for each title first- rather than just typing it in. MAJOR pain in the ass) 3 hours? four???
• add managers to ees in payroll system (one hour)

And, have a little fun tomorrow at a make your own perfume workshop 🙂

I took Monday “off” as the US office is closed. But I took it off so that I can NOT answer my emails (there should be less anyway) and download the electronic personnel files for the 60 employees and file the documents (some going back more than 10 years) as per my current company´s filing methods. So that should take I don´t know, 10 hours?

And when he told me the job was moving to California- which I actually understand. He said there were two reasons. The time difference…….and me.

I have let some things slip. It´s an UNGODLY amount of work essentially starting a US company from an HR side. There are states to register as an employer in, policies to write, blah blah blah.

But do you know what he mentioned not once………but twice??????

He was super angry that I………..

wait for it…………..

ready?

That I did not change the font color for three employees on the Org Chart.

The fucking font color.

Mentioned not once, but twice in a 30 minute conversation.

Admittedly, I didn´t. He told me too….I meant to. I didn´t. I forgot.

He told me that I felt it was beneath me.

Ummm what??? I am not the kind of person who thinks anything is “beneath” me. Not at all. When I had ees that I managed I was never the manager who asked someone to get me coffee or make my copies. Ever. That´s just not me. So, whatever.

Fact is, I let that slip. I take responsibility for not changing the fucking font. I´m okay with that.

Other thing mentioned? The fucking Org Chart again……. that another HR team member had to get the VP of the US office to sit with her to review the org chart and that is my responsibility.

Okay, fair enough. That IS my responsibility. She should not have had to do it. I get it. But I had sent him emails with no response.

Annnnnnnd- HE WAS IN GERMANY AT THE TIME AND I WAS IN THE US!!!!! She was in Germany WITH him, and I was literally 5,000 miles and 9 hours time difference away. It was clearly easier and more efficient for her to do me that favor and sit with him to go over the org chart. Is that not clear?

So yeah. I´m jobless (again) in a few months.

Better go work. By my estimates above, I have about 17 hours of work to do over my three days “off”.

I should add “check font color” to the list. 😉

Ugh.

 

Life Lately, Inauguration Day

• I should be working, but I called out sick/jet lagged today. How do you ensure you are as miserable with jetlag and insomnia as you can possibly be?  Get up at 4:30 on Tuesday so that you can respond to emails from Germany while people are at work. Work a full day at work, then hop on the 9pm 12 hour flight to Germany. Sleep like a baby on the plane, and wake up refreshed at 5pm Wednesday, German time in Munich. Wait several hours, then fly to Nuremberg. Get home around 11 and unpack wide awake. Around 2am drink two beers in an effort to get to sleep- but stop because the thought of yourself hoping to get drunk and pass out all alone in the living room just seems too pathetic. Read a book instead. That late flight FUCKED me. I was off yesterday, and called in sick today, though I AM working, and have 2.5 hours of calls later today.
• And despite working every damn day since at least December- I am behind on shit and got called on it today. Fuuuck.
• Today is Inauguration Day. The dawn of a new Presidential era. And I am beside myself. We, Americans, will now have a President who lashes out at anyone who opposes him, even comedians (and like, doesn´t SNL make fun of EVERY President?) on Twitter. Fucking Twitter. And his wife´s cause of choice? Online bullying. I really wonder if she´s just fucking with us. I mean, even if I agreed with his standpoints- and I almost 100% do not, there is nothing Presidential about him. This is a position of honor- one children look up to! And he jokes about grabbing pussies and discusses the size of his penis (through inuendo, but stillll). Seriously.
• And he is already taking time off. This weekend. Today is Friday. He starts his new job today. It´s a big job. He has no experience in this job. And he is taking time off to enjoy his new job- tomorrow.
• And his cabinet. Oh for fuck´s sake. His cabinet makes HIM look qualified. Head of the Environmental Protection Agency? A guy who has sued the EPA thirteen fucking times. Who should head the Dept of Education? A woman who thinks guns should be in schools…………to protect against grizzly bears. Grizzly fucking bears. Seriously. Google that shit at her confirmation hearing. She said grizzly bears. What the fucking fuck???? And like, what would one say to her as a friend or family member? Like does her husband say “Watched the hearing on CNN today honey, really great point about the possibility of defending children against grizzly bears!”. Pick for Housing and Urban Development? A neurosurgeon, of course! His qualification being he grew up in public housing. Well, I grew up on a tree-lined street. Perhaps I should lead the National Parks? FOR FUCK´S SAKE!
• I seriously kept hoping this was a joke. That he would say, nah, just kidding! But as the hours draw nearer, I see this happening. This is not a joke.
• The Inauguration? I won´t be watching. I want to pretend it´s not even happening………………Grizzly bears?

Photo an Hour- Slacker Saturday

I should have been working all damn day, but here is yesterday in pictures. I took them on the :30s.

5:30 Coffee. When staying at hotels that have paper cups for an extended period of time, buying my own “real” cups makes it seem more homey. Even if I need to wash dishes in the bathtub.

6:30 Yes, I had SIX FUCKING HUNDRED FORTY TWO UNREAD EMAILS from the last week. Let that sink in.

7:30 DAMMIT I wanted to leave the hotel by 9, but Top Chef prevented it!

8:30 after an hour on the elliptical, a PB&J. Yum.

10:30 Coyote Point. I wanted to run, but there were too many things to stop and look at! 

11:30 (or so) I can not even explain how amazing this little spot was. Hidden behind trees, watching the water lapping at the rocks, with the faint smell of eucalyptus and the sweet smell of the water. I sat here just staring for a loong time. It was damn near magical.

Eucalyptus grove 12:30

1:30 Downtown in the town next door to where I am staying. Crappy picture, cute town.

2:30 Green tea latte. Left the laptop in the car, though I should have been working, and opted for a book instead.

3:30 NAP TIME! Not that I did much during the day, but I thought I deserved a nap.

4:30 lazing about when I should be productive.

5:30 Some me time. Did my toes, took a bath with a face mask. Side note: that´s a GREAT face mask. Plus, travels well as it is a powder you mix yourself with water. 

6:30 Soup for dinner. YUM. Just YUM. I love this soup. It´s been a staple since I discovered it several years ago. Just YUM. 

8:30 Bed time!!!! I´ve been on this early (super early) to bed thing for a while, since i need to get up for either Germany or CA emails depending on where I am. I forgot 7:30, but I was just working with the TV on.